Torture Chain [2012] Time Is but a Doorway to the Incinerator

Hailing from somewhere in the United States, Torture Chain is a (possibly solo) USBM outfit that breaks past the raw shitty stereotypes that comes with USBM and completely destroys. Acting as the band's fifth demo release, Time Is but a Doorway to the Incinerator is a 21 minute track of pure chaotic evil, and while I have yet to explore this group's back cataloge, from what little researching I've done it seems like this band has yet to release a bad demo. But enough talk, does it make Satan's balls explode?

The simple answer is YES. Starting off with a score from The Thing, the orchestral buildup is beyond intense and as soon as the music hits you're flung into 21 minutes of just gnarly black metal. With dueling guitars there is just a mountainous wall of noise bombarding you at once and with the occasional synth there's just so much to be heard. And with ACTUAL DRUMS that range from crust punk to grind to straight up kvltness there is diversity out the ass in this. The riffs are just endless on this, ranging from bulldozer chaos to fist pumping leads to just all around good frostbitten abrasiveness. The vocals for the most are an ugly, raspy gurgly black hole that when layered sounds like something straight from hell. There is almost no down time in the entire release and it's exhausting to listen to, for there is never a dull moment and things are permanently stuck on 10. The cool thing is how it all ties into itself, you get so much pack and variation in this that you never seem to hear the same thing twice, and considering it is 21 straight minutes that's a whole lotta material. Just when you've had your dose of crusty Satan worship you're flung into a calmer beat and some faint, however lethal, leads that sound like asteroids falling from the sky, you're pushed back to somewhere else inside another cold cruel nightmare. There are even soft ass Opeth like interludes on this that throw you off your game and provide for quality buildups and depth.  This shit is just good.

The mastering is good, especially for a demo. It's raw yes, but everything was properly set up to be captured and is layered in a quality setting. The guitars are just distorted the fuck out, but clean when they need to be. The drums are constantly in the back keeping pace and the vocals just continuously drag you across the musical grate, leaving you shredded beyond recognition.

SHIT QUALITY: GOOD

Twilight's Embrace [2012] Traces

Nottingham's Twilight's Embrace is a five piece progressive doom/death outfit. With only an EP under their belt, Traces acts as the band's first taste of new music in two years, again acting as an EP. As far as sound goes, they're pretty cookie cutter "gothic" death/doom, with Opeth flirtations thrown in on occasion. The guitars are full of heavy distortion but also cascade the backdrop so that you're not given a brutal trip, but more so a depressingly somber jerker. The occasional use of acoustic guitars also throws in that Opethy folkish element, which helps break up the monotony of the tracks.

The biggest complaint to me is the vocalist's soft vocals, which are heavily British and just just sound corny 99.9% of the time he does them, it's almost like watching a slam poet try too hard to sound meaningful, it just comes off as silly.His growls are fun, but again are pretty standard for this type of music, and there are tons of bands who sound almost identical to his. And this problem reaches to pretty much every aspect of the band, the guitars, the vocals, and the overly simplistic drumming, it's just too predictable. Aside from a few moments there really is nothing that stands out on this release that would make me want to listen to it repeatedly. Again I am not hating it, it's just not something I connect with and I feel as if I have heard this album done time and time again by more established and skilled musicians. The final gripe I have with this is the fact that almost every lead and build up leads nowhere, it's like getting a lengthy handjob and getting an arm ache 2 minutes from busting.  

But hey, the production is well done, the mixing was done right and it's not a pain in the ass to listen to, so check it out, maybe you'll like it. But to me it gets a big fat meh.

SHIT RATING: ALRIGHT

Kiss The Anus Of A Black Cat ‎[2012] Weltuntergangsstimmung

This album is nothing short of confusion to me, not because the material is drastically different from the previous Cat albums, but simply from all the press this album has gotten. Being a long time Cat fan I can not remember ever reading or seeing much discussion on this act, and as soon as this hit the shelves everyone is talking about it and complaining about the transition...which leads me to wonder if all these fans were in the closet or simply late on the bandwagon and are regurgitating the same review over and over.

Bitching aside, yes folks, it's a new Kiss The Anus of a Black Cat album, this time with 1980's post-punk pulsing through their feline veins to the very core. Now I really don't mind this shift to be honest, Cat has released 4 good albums in the realm of neofolk, so why not change things up? When Death in June is releasing piano only albums, Der Blutharsch turning to acid rock and Blood Axis are playing strictly acoustic, people should expect the unexpected when it comes to neofolk acts these days, and Cat is no different. So unlike most reviewers I approached this unbiased by the shift in sound direction.

Enough bullshit dude, what does it sound like? Well let's see, take all the heavy post-punk goth 80's hitters, a la Sisters of Mercy, Bauhaus, And Also The Trees, and modernize it so there's not that fuzzy 80's sound and you have Weltuntergangsstimmung. If you like your guitars to be fed through chorus pedals, drums to come from a 1983 drum machine and synth baselines, this album is for you! It truly is a throwback to the goth rockers of yesteryear and personally I think it's cool to make a throwback album here and there for absolutely no reason. The guitars all have that chorusy echo sound that give you the feeling of an abandoned old performance hall or a hazy graveyard and are flat out catchy as hell. The drums are all ran through triggers or are from a drum machine, it doesn't really matter does it, and all feature the classic percussion hits: clappy snares, tiny highhats and that weird Night of the Living Dead soundtrack tom sound that sounds straight out of the 80's. The bass is pretty neutral during all this, it fits the vibe but is nothing really stand outish, but again, it fits the era's sound perfectly. There is also plenty of synthwork thrown throughout this album, and what's cool about it is how it's almost a stand alone instrument itself, there isn't just one or two backlines thrown in to a track, they make appearances on the bulk of the album, and while they are a little on the minimal side, they are absolutely necessary for this release. Lastly comes the vocals, Stef's vocals are a stark contrast to the uber deep Andrew Eldritchs of the 80's, giving a cleaner, higher pitched, and often echoed Brilligesque approach to the music, which ties in traces of Cinema Strange and all those kooky death rock groups as well. 

Overall it's a fun album, there are some slow moments here and there but overall it's a fun little throwback album that took me completely surprise, and thankfully I am able to be an adult and not get all butthurt over the change in direction the band took. I can't wait to see if they continue this sound or transition into yet another version. 

P.S. does anyone else think of Unknown Pleasures when they look at this artwork?

SHIT RATING: GOOD

Failure Ritual [2012] Failure Ritual

This one goes out to all the possible black metal fans who read this shitbox who have no doubt read a few of my reviews on how critical I am of raw black metal.

Up today is Failure Ritual, a cavernously raw black metal/doom band from somewhere featuring one or more members who's names are something and something. I'm not trying to be cute here in my vagueness, although I am, but that's about all there is to dig up on this outfit: nothing. Aside from a BandCamp page I can't find anything else on these/this cat(s), so bear with me here on the details. I will say however that I do not feel this is black metal, yeah there are some black metal leads here and there and the vocals are something you would hear in a suicidal black metal outfit, but this entire operation reeks of Project AIDS style doom; but hey that's just my opinion man.

Details aside, what about the sound asshole? You may have noticed I labeled Failure Ritual as "cavernous", and frankly that's about all I can use to describe their sound. Imagine Sunn O)))'s wall of amps blasting out bulldozing walls of noisy almost Black Mayonnaise style riifs miles down inside of a large cave, and you're at the outermost opening listening in, that's Failure Ritual. There is a steady wall of fuzzy noise throughout the entire album that gives you a hypnotic feeling of sheer openness and chaos, but at the same time allows the guitars, drums and electronic elements to burst their way through the noise and give an utterly eerie beyond comfort level atmosphere. And coupled with the suicidal-esque black metal style vocals, which sound like a tortured soul moaning miles under the ground in Hell, the overall sound is haunting, immense and LOUD. The guitars range from funeral doom riffage to echoey Wormphlegmy leads that just progress at a snails pace, but in the most awesome way possible. The drums appear to be from a drum machine, and are not what you would consider diverse, providing the necessary snare and crash hits to keep a steady pace, but they fit perfectly into this style of music, so I don't see this as a fault at all. The mastering and overall production is fuzzy, loud and muffled to the utmost degree, but again, in the best way possible. All the instruments, backing noise and vocals blend perfectly in this giant vat of ooze, to which I have nothing negative to speak of. Overall it's just a fucking evil sounding album, that by moving at such a glacial pace provides a perfect avenue to suck you in to a hypnotic trance, an ability that most records are just flat out incapable of doing. I love it.

This 61 minute long album is broken up into three tracks, however some tracks contain multiple movements which to me could have acted as stand alone tracks. But for those doing the math, those are some long fucking tracks: 21, 28 and 10 minutes long to be precise, so make sure you have an open hour open to give this bad boy a shot because listening to it half ass will give you such a limp one.

Complaints? None really, this is an absolutely fun record to listen to with the lights off and a pair of huge headphones, and if you're like me you'll be flung into a dirty, freezing cavern within minutes of listening, it's just a fun and to me a fresh take on black metal laced doom.

Another awesome thing is that you can get this for free: check it out.

SHIT RATING: GOOD

SHIT List: August 2012

In an effort to seed through all the truly awful albums I come across I will be doing some bulk review posts at the end of every month. The reviews will be quick and to the point, well, in a shitty way of course.

SHIT List - August - 2012

Gore Obsessed [2012] Where Babes Meet Blades
Mortician and Bob Macabre walk into a bar, Will Rahmer forcibly rapes Bob Macabre and nine months later Gore Obsessed dribbled out with a billion EPs in hand. While I dig the whole throwback horror movie shtick  it's getting old fast. My overall complaints are simple: every song sounds entirely too similar, almost no variation is used in the guitar tuning or playing and the drum machine beats are so basic and typical that the album feels like the first track is on repeat. Overall the guitars are boring, but at times catchy, the drums sound flat out outdated and the vocals are cool for a track's worth, the remaining 10 minutes are just boring as balls.

Lucifugum [2012] Od Omut Serpenti

Do people actually listen to shitty bedroom black metal? Just because you've been releasing terrible albums for years doesn't make you credible. For those unfamiliar with this atrocity, Lucifugum is a married couple from Ukraine who release black metal, and by black metal hear I mean terrible drum programming, a starter guitar and amp and absolutely no depth or bass at all. The vocals sound like a whiny teenager trying to sound kvlt and the guitar work is boring and uneventful. So with drums, guitars and vocals all sucking, this shit flat out sucks from all angles.

Printemps Noir [2012] La Commune
Continuing the string of truly atrocious black metal "projects" ruining my day is Printemps Noir, a "raw" black metal band from somewhere I don't care enough to look up. Initially I thought it would be a punkish release by the cover but was soon given a hot mess that sounded like it was recorded through a $10 Walmart microphone. But first there's the mastering: unless you're lucky enough to have a mono option to your speakers you will be hearing the drums from the left speaker, the vocals in the right and the guitar mixed through both sides. Once track two kicks in the drums shift to 95% left and leaving ONE single ride cymbal coming through the right speaker. It's just fucking retarded, but musically the guitars sound muddy and distorted like they were recorded, pressed on an underdeveloped record and then ripped at like 50kbps. The drums are just downright atrocious and honestly so basic that you'd figure a 10 year old was playing it. Finally comes the vocals, which fit the same complaints as guitars and are monotonous throughout the entire release, but thankfully for everyone it's only two tracks and ends a hair over ten minutes. This could possibly be the worst black metal album I have heard this year, congrats.

Six Feet Under [2012] Undead
Do I even need to justify this post? Chris Barnes has churned out yet another lifeless and completely forgettable audible turd and I am starting to wonder who I dislike more, Six Feet Under's music or the labels who keep giving these guys record deals. Barnes' vocals are all but shot at this point and they just sound like someone with a bad cold now. Musically there are a few random cool riffs thrown into the mix but the songs are still bland and placid, and the only thing worth listening to on this record is the sound your Recycling Bin makes when it finishes deleting a file. Serious Barnes, you're giving me second hand embarrassment big time here.

Dead Can Dance [2012] Anastasis

A lengthy review of this album would be absolutely pointless, for I feel it's impossible to describe some acts out there, Dead Can Dance being one of them. So here's a quick rundown of my takes on things.

It's absolutely incredible, for a band that has gone outside the box and back time and time again, once the opening track hits you it instantly clicks as what feels right coming from the duo, as if the last 16 years haven't happened and this is simply the second half of Spiritchaser. However the nearly two decade gap has allowed for new and crisper approaches to music, and Anastasis showcases that growth from start to finish. With clean, damn near perfect orchestral and keyboard synths the duo project project you the listener right into the pit of an old European symphony house that has decayed over the years yet still possesses a few remaining players, with Lisa and Brendan heading the troupe. 

But enough of that, what else!? Well let's see, Lisa still sounds divine, and she showcases her talents yet again across this album. Brendan's voice has aged a little but in the best way possible, his vocal performances now have an even deeper connection to ancient heritage and everything arcane, and like his female counterpart he too showcases a full variety of different singing styles from almost rhythmic storytelling to bombastic lung exhausting singing. So yes, the two still got "it" and "it" continues to work magically.

What of worldly sounds? As with every other album you are taken from across the globe, stopping in the Middle East, the ancient Roman Empire, Asia and all the way back to Ireland, all in one 8 track 57 minute ride, and it could not be any more of a pleasurable delight.

How are the singing duties divided? With the reformation I did not know what to expect, but both sides get equal spotlight time, with respective solo tracks as well as a shared duet track. So whether you're Team Lisa or Team Brendan, you'll be satisfied.

Favorite tracks? If I had to pick three, I would probably go (in order as they appear on record): Agape, Return of the She-King and All In Good Time, which is a perfect blend of solo and duet tracks. 

Closing statements? This thing is just too good, and the denseness of it allows for you to listen to it for goes at a time and still discover something new, I am absolutely in love with this release and consider seeing them perform this album a few weeks ago as one of the best concerts I have attended, well done guys.

SHIT RATING: GOOD

EYeOvIsIs [2012] Into Thee Eye Of IsIs

Yet another blind download here, but going into it I expected another one man black metal band that sounded awful, but thankfully the name, title and album cover aren't indicative of the audio.

Where to begin, first and foremost, a background lesson: I have looked all over and only found minute traces of information regarding this outfit, and the only thing I can say for certain is it's a solo project from some gentlemen simply called Mr. Monster. Now if you look online you'll see this listed anywhere from industrial to black metal to noise, and as a fan of all three I can say this is not accurate at all. Yes there are some electronic elements in the mix and yes there are some black metal riffs from time to time and yes it's noisy, but not nearly enough to fall into any of these genres accurately. Okay enough bitching, let's get on with things.

As far as a general sound comes, imagine if Atooishinjuu, Genghis Tron, Crotchduster and Aborted all had an orgy after a Meshuggah concert and shit out a child...that's EYeOvIsIs. Musically the project is all over the place in terms of riffs and styles, one track you hear modern day polished death metal, the next you're listening to a Meshuggah-esque repetitive section and then the next track is 20 straight seconds of chaotic pulverizing grindcore, so don't get too comfortable because you'll be thrown from end to end while listening to this. Unfortunately as with most solo projects the drums and mastering aren't ideal, and while the guitars are for the most part well leveled and pitched, the drums are obviously that of a machine, and to be fair they actually fit the weird overall sound of the album, and to be fair again the drums are well programmed and executed: listen to this in a bass friendly setup and you'll love it. As for the mastering, some of the levels are a little funky at times and it comes with the territory of not having some hotshot director behind the glass, but like I said previously: it's not terrible or anything, and is acceptable. There are however a few moments where it tracks seem slapped together and rushed, like certain pieces didn't have connecting sections so they were just spliced together, again nitpicking here, but I definitely picked up on a few of these. Lastly comes the vocals, which I can only describe as someone screaming into one side of a dixie-cup and string telephone underwater, it's almost new age Aborted in style but awkwardly horrifying in an uncomfortable sort of way. The vocals range from straight out yelling to growls to even moaning out the lyrics, and even rapping for a quick second in one of the tracks. Overall they are neat to listen to and sort of fit the whole synthetic vibe the drums give off, almost as if the mic is shorting out and is on it's last fuse of life capturing the singer's audio. Last but not least, it should be mentioned but there are a few samples used on this release, and thankfully they are done right and are quick and to the point, so no worries for those who dread Mortician style sample lengths, they fit the mood and provide an outside eerie feeling between the chaotic playings.

Overall it is a fun, quirky approach to metal, and it leaves you questioning if the entire album is a joke or not, but all I know is that for 21 minutes I enjoyed this release and I would gladly check out any future releases this guy puts out.

SHIT RATING: GOOD

Avgrunn [2012] Conceived Genetically Perverse

Like you some Disgorge worship? Well this is just for you. Avgrunn is a four piece Spanish brutal death metal outfit who play in vein of California Disgorgey brutal death metal, and after some lineup changes, demo tapes and an EP, Avgrunn have finally dropped their debut album Conceived Genetically Perverse. 

Now I am not the biggest fan of brutal death, and to be honest I am not well versed in it like some people I know, I just know what I like and what I don't, and Disgorge is A-OK in my book, so their usual clones sound good to me if recorded properly and done right, and Avgrunn is no exception. While the recording quality isn't ideal, it is still leaps and bounds above your standard brutal death release, and all the instruments clash well together with the vocals, providing a harmonious blend of oozing groovy goodness. 

As for the music itself, the guitars are packed full of tight catchy riffs, the drums are a little standard at times but get the job done for sure and the vocals are on that fine line of crisp and gurgle, providing a strangely diverse sounding vocal approach across the entire canvas...even though they don't change much. As for bass, either I am deaf and can't hear it or they don't have one, but don't let that fool you, the music is a full bodied entity, there isn't much open space left for the imagination to complain about lack of sound, so fuck it, if having two guitarists is your deal, you go girl, it works..

The album is comprised of ten tracks, the first seven being all new recordings, leaving the final three from their 2012 demo, and while it is cool to have additional tracks, all three are heard in better quality earlier in the album and it seems a little pointless to include them, but hey a seven track release would have been half assed. But as far as the promo tracks are concerned, they're not far off from their mastered cousins, they just sound muddier and slightly less tight, but overall pretty much the same thing.

All nitpicking aside, Avgrunn deliver a fun little California style brutal death album and while they are far from innovative, it's still entertaining to listen to if you're bored with your Disgorge records and considering they are practically on the other side of the globe, they perform the style well, and do be fair, the performance is good, the recording quality is good, and it kept me interested all the way through, so it deserves a a pat on the back, I just wish Avgrunn took a note from their neighbors Wormed and explored a bit more into the genre.

p.s. whoever did the art for this needs to be fucking fired.

SHIT RATING: GOOD

Azaghal [2012] Nemesis

So to be honest I have never heard of this band before, and what sold me was the cool artwork, so I went into this with no real expectations, just a fancy for the artwork.

What I was given was some pretty decent Finnish black metal from an apparently well established group. Acting as Azaghal's ninth full length, Nemesis is a noisy action packed black metal assault, chock full of over-driven guitars, pretty decent vocals and drums that actually don't suck! Granted this is nothing ground-breaking or state of the art, but it is definitely fun and interesting to listen to, and considering how many terrible black metal acts there are these days who deliver terrible production and half-ass attempts, Azaghal have graced us with a quality piece of evilness. For those who are unfamiliar with the band, the band can be broken down simply: the vocals are a good mixture of Alexi Laiho and Shagrath, which I know are terrible names to mention but it makes sense to me. The guitars are nice and crisp, and while they could be a bit more dense and power driven, they fill the background properly and have some quality leads thrown in to the stereotypical black metal riffs that are expected from this style of music, and hell there is even a clean interlude or two thrown in to change the pace up. The bass is pretty much non-existent as to be expected, but it wouldn't fit well in this to have a dominating bass line thrown into the mix. And last but not least comes the drums, which unlike many competitors are real and actually decently tuned: the kick is a nice thud, the cymbals are evenly distributed in sound and pitch and the snare fits along with the whole concoction. There are some keys and effects thrown in throughout the album and they only add to the flavor, but aren't really a big part of the sound.

What kept me listening to Nemesis was that it never got boring, which I have happen alot with modern black metal in general. And while like I said earlier there is nothing really out of the box with this release, it keeps your attention drawn with many different speeds and directions, all while holding true to a singular approach and overall sound, and what I mean by this is that throughout the album you're presented with intense face ripping assaults, glacial almost doom like interludes and even symphonic ambienty sections, but never once do you question who's playing behind the giant mass that is Azaghal. So if you're into black metal and don't have a stick up your ass, check it out, if you go through your black metal with a fine toothed comb, you might not be that impressed with this release.

SHIT RATING: GOOD 

Grave Disgrace [2012] Grave Disgrace

Today feels like a short review kind of day, but don’t let it fool you, this album is the tits.

Hailing from mother Russia, Grave Disgrace is a stoner doom outfit with old school doom/rock vocals. The band delivers walls upon walls of repetitive (in a good way) crushing grooves, cavernous Saint Vitus/Goatsnake style vocals and clean crisp production that will leave the listener to just bang their head in an orgasmic pulsing frenzy. In this self titled record Grave Disgrace managed to channel Black Sabbath’s stoner rock 1970’s sound and project it into a present day distorted clusterfuck of delight, without coming off as boring or flimsy like some throwback bands do these days. Overall it is a grand treat and should appeal to any doom/stoner fan.

SHIT RATING: GOOD

Der Blutharsch And The Infinite Church Of The Leading Hand [2012] The Beginning And The End

Fresh off their 2012 European tour, Der Blutharsch and the Super Long Name have dropped a two track EP to hold fans over until the new album is completed. 

>1. Untitled

Like something straight out of Pink Floyd’s ‘Empty Spaces’ this track opens with leading distorted guitar whaling over the droney rhythmic pattern of programmed percussion and subsonic synthesizers. Much like in ‘Empty Spaces’ an eerie and haunting voice chimes in telling a tale of theology and thanks, which may sound corny considering the artist involved but the track sounds like something Jim Jones would have listened to in his off time. As the song progresses more and more components come into play, allowing the guitars and drums to develop more into a cascading rumble across the aural spectrum and just when you start to feel comfortable the track putters out (literally) and fades into obscurity. 

>2. Untitled

Unlike the previous work the second half of this EP sounds more like previously released DBATICOTLH, or even off DB’s Philosopher’s Stone album. The track is comprised of a simple synthetic drum beat that weaves in and out of distorted guitar leads and inaudible spoken background sampling. While not as interesting or moving as the first track it is what I have grown to expect from Albin Julius. 

Overall I don’t love it or hate it, but it’s only two tracks and it sums up DB’s new approach to their music rather well, so if you’re like me and get bored half way through DBATICOTLH releases, this dose is just right.

SHIT RATING: GOOD

Funeral Depression [2012] Road to Suicide

For some reason I had high hopes for this release, for I had never heard anything from Funeral Depression, and given the unoriginal yet fitting name and eyecatching album cover, I snatched this hoping to stumble upon another I’m In A Coffin, alas, I did not find such a gem.

Funeral Depression is a Polish one man funeral doom / “ambient” project, with a couple demos, an ep and a full length from 2011 under their belt. The man behind all the action, credited as “Belzebub” does all the instruments and electronics, but chose to leave out the vocals and keep Funeral Depression a mostly instrumental band (sans ‘Inner Pain’). Along with the standard guitar, bass and drum setup there is also the inclusion of backing synthesizers that attempt to fill the music and give a feeling of depressive beauty to the raunchy distorted guitars and the plane jane sounding drums. But I hate to say it folks, this album is just flat out fucking boring and unoriginal.

Clocking in at a hair over 50 minutes this album is quite labor intensive, for it took everything out of me to actually listen to the entire thing and frankly, I want my 50 minutes back Bubz.

As a big fan of actual ambient, it pisses me off when bands get added “ambient” tags to their music, simply because they use a delay pedal and have minimalistic parts. I also can’t get over how basic the drumwork is, it’s so rudimentary that it resembles that of a 12 year old on Youtube covering Crazy Train, I just don’t get it, it truly is that bad. Also, the guitars do indeed have a few interesting parts, but overall it is just painful to sit through the clean interludes and transitions for it sounds, much like the drumming, like textbook sample patterns that anyone could replicate with a starter guitar kit. Cleanly played the guitars sound alright, but once the distortion or any effect is added it just sounds flat and awkward, and coupled with the even more distant sounding drums it just makes for a really discombobulated sound all around. There are parts where transitions will just flat out stop and out of the blue a new one will begin, it’s as if Bubz forgot what he was doing and just switched to something new to fill out the time. And on the track that actually does feature vocals, the only thing that Bubz is able to do is convey the sound a baby makes just as it shits its pants inside of a dark cave somewhere. The attempts at the kvlt black metal sound just completely fails and it just sounds as if a small child is being fed hot cider over and over, again, this is just another failed attempt at what other bands have actually done better. At the end of the day sure it could be way worse, but that doesn’t make this release good, or even worth listening to.

SHIT RATING: BAD

Asphyx [2012] Deathhammer

Short review for this one, mainly because Asphyx aren’t known for having the most diverse sounding discography with Martin on vocals. But yes, Asphyx are back and to mark their 25th anniversary they have dropped the monstrosity Deathhammer for everyone to enjoy. If you like previous Asphyx albums or Martin’s work with Hail of Bullets, Deathhammer will surely work for you as well. The entire formula is there: throat ripping vocals, (good) tinny distorted guitars, slow doomy pacing and bombastic drum work that feels like sledgehammers hitting your ear drums, all wrapped up in great recording and production so that anyone of this still will love it. There are parts on here that are just flat out doomtastic, like on the fifth track “Der Landser” there’s almost a good solid minute of head nodding slow paced doom drenched guitar and drum work that go unaided with vocals, it’s pretty fucking gnarly in the best of ways. Overall the album has that beloved Asphyx sound and showcases not only their death metal abilities but also their amazing blend of doom metal as well, not to mention you can never go wrong with Martin van Drunen.

As far as complaints go, I just wish there was a little diversity, and I dislike how the album starts off with in your face music, which isn’t new for Asphyx but it’s still annoying. I really liked how on the first Hail of Bullets album there was the long drawn out introduction that built anticipation, on Deathhammer it feels like an introduction was left on the cutting floor at the last minute and left unfinished. But truly aside from nitpicking I enjoy this album and it’s another great addition to the Asphyx family.

SHIT RATING: GOOD

Киста [2012] Киста

I am not entirely sure what made me download this, maybe it was the Russian flavor, the interesting artwork or maybe just another blind download. Point is, I didn’t really know what to expect when I first played this. Now from what little I know, Киста, or Cyst, is a Russian death metal infused crust outfit with one pissed off agenda to share.

Trying to really explain this band is difficult, for they are at times fully crust and other times death sounding, but musically speaking it is a mix of Swedish d-beat crust and bulldozer style blackened death metal, meaning there is nothing but static drenched brutality in this delicious cake. And to top it all of, the vocals on this are 2 parts Thomas Lindberg and 1 part Trevor Strnad (the deep vocals from earlier material, not the nigh stuff), often times dual layering themselves to create an odd, yet fun vocal style that I haven’t really heard from many other bands. Take for example the second track “Иисус тоже любит егермейстер”, which starts off with a standard d-beat but then transforms into a spazzy Bodies in the Gears of the Apparatus influenced piece that then transforms into something I would expect to hear out of a modern fast paced death metal band who liked Nile or Morbid Angel. Point is, these tracks are all over the place, but the interesting thing is that they all fit perfectly and never go far enough to sound incoherent. And considering it clocks in at a hair under 20 minutes, it’s not like it’ll require your entire day to listen to it. Overall it is a fun album, and is on level 10 from start to finish, so anyone who’s into grindy or crusty stuff should enjoy it.

As far as complaints go, I don’t really have any, I just wish this was all in English so I had a clue of what the song titles were.

SHIT RATING: GOOD

Murder Intentions [2012] Conception Of A Virulent Breed

With 2012 almost upon us I decided to get an early start on the the new death metal acts hitting the digital shelves, and Murder Intentions was my first tarted. I had never heard of them prior to this release, and as far as I know they only have a debut and a demo before this, so they are still an up and coming band it seems, and this ep shows why. At first I thought this would be a real gem, due to the dual vocalists in the band, but alas it was a wee bit of a letdown of an album for me. The vocalists are a mixture of guttural growls and metalcore-esque screams and the music itself seems like a weird mixture of The Red Chord style metalcore and that typical slam style playing that has riddled death metal these days. The production isn’t terrible, in fact by most unknown band standards it’s actually pretty good, so no Artery Eruption nonsense here folks. I tried my best to sell it here, but here comes the cons.

Complaints? While the music itself isn’t terrible, and the vocals aren’t the worst I’ve heard, this album just did absolutely nothing for me. I feel like I have heard everything this band has done already in bigger and better acts and the mixture of the metalcore vocals with the bland riffs and the stale gutturals just makes me want to check and make sure I don’t have Bleeding Through playing over Dying Fetus’s later bad material. There’s just a massive lack of brutality and punch with this this release and it just feels like I am being given a half-ass performance by a group of aspiring 15 year old metalheads wanting to make a sweet new band to impress chicks. Clocking in at a hair over 22 minutes, that is exactly the length my patience went with this release, so thankfully they did me the favor of ending the record on a quick note, however the last track is a staggering SIX MINUTE outro that is utterly worthless, so I advise skipping it like I did. Overall it’s not bad, it’s an honest attempt it seems, but I have just heard it all before done way better, for once this review is completed I most likely will never have a desire to listen to this record ever again, nor do I plan on keeping this: hello recycling bin!

SHIT RATING: ALRIGHT

Dia Frampton [2012] Red

OMGOMGOMGOMG DIA MADE A SOLO RECORD! As a big fan of Meg & Dia this really peaked my interests and I couldn’t download it fast enough. I had a slight fear that this may be something completely out of Dia’s range or style or maybe even just a bunch of M&D b-sides but I was completely proven wrong. The tracks on Red span from traditional soft spoken acoustic tracks to full orchestral pieces to 80’s style dance beats, all lathered in Dia’s spunky adorable vocals. There are two cameos on this: Kid Cudi and Blake Shelton, Cudi ruins the track but on Shelton’s track the final product is a perfectly shared performance by both Blake and Dia, for neither overpower each other and it just flows with perfect harmony. She also layers her vocals on this, so while it’s not exactly the same as the MegDia duo, it doesn’t sound incomplete or flat like you might expect, it’s all gravy, thick fun gravy.

Complaints? My only real legitimate complaint is the inclusion of Kid Cudi on this record. Having him be on the first track just starts the whole ride off in a shitty mood, but once his part is over it goes back to being a fun journey through teenage romance and tear soaked shoulders. At first I hated Blake Shelton’s cameo but by the time the song ended it all made sense, so kudos to that. The only other thing I can really talk down on is how short the songs and overall album feels, clocking in at a shy over 35 minutes it just feels like I am getting warmed up and then the ride’s over. But that leaves me wanting more, so I am not ruling this out as being completely bad just yet. Point is, MOAR!

SHIT RATING: GOOD

Fetish Necrozis Germofroditus [2012] New Year’s Terror

After really digging Anal Grind’s new album I downloaded this one as well hoping to strike big with another lesser known act. Hoping it was good I eagerly downloaded it, unzipped it and played it the second I could. It’s a shame it only took that first track to kill my gore winning streak. Little is posted about Fetish Necrozis Germofroditus, who are a few years late on the joke MySpace goregrind project era where bad production and overly fake drum programming was acceptable, but what I do know is that the outfit is based out of Russia, and is most likely the work of one singular individual, or atleast I hope so. Similar in effort as Brutal Nekkro Sex, Spermswamp, Bitch Infection and SMES, Fetish Necrozis Germofroditus ignore all standard musical requirements and simply lay down an indecipherable layer of noise and throw pitchshifted vocals over it with very little effort or originality.

Complaints? Where to even begin. The entire album is one muddy mess, and not like early Last Days of Humanity, more like every instrument and sound on this album was coming out of the same singular blown out bass speaker onto the cd. The guitar is utterly intangible. the drums are obviously programmed and aside from being insanely repetitive, they just do not fit the music and are awkwardly sequenced with the rest of the song. The vocals are just as bad as the guitar, for yes there is a pitchshifter at work but it is so low and distorted in the mix that whatever power it did have at the time of recording is now lost and drowned out by awful drum programming and blown out guitarwork. There is also an odd feeling to this album where it feels like the entire album has a subtle phaser at work, and that the music shifts from left to right at a barely listenable pace but over time it just creates chaos in the equilibrium and makes the album just that much more unpleasant. Now I get this was probably made by some guy in his bedroom but god damn, standards are standards, and this release is complete garbage that is not worth the discount CD-R’s it is printed on. Oh and good job stealing the album art from fucking google, if you’re going to lift images at least edit them a LITTLE. Ya hack.

SHIT RATING: BAD

Absolutist [2012] Ave

Hailing from Ireland, Absolutist are a new and up and coming chaotic hardcore/crust band who flirt with styles ranging from d-beat punk to grindcore to WALLS of chaotic hardcore music. These guys released a 4 track demo EP back in March of 2011 and while it sounded energetic and chaotic as fuck, the music just fell extremely flat and didn’t quite have the punch that most bands in this field possess. To be fair it did appear to be an initial demo style release, so to judge a band on their raw recordings is a bit unfair, so I decided to check out Ave, thanks in part to the incredibly morbid cover art that I instantly fell in love with upon seeing it.

With Ave something fucking happened, like a god damn bulldozer rammed through their recording studio during the recording of this release because there are just walls and walls of chaos going on on these tracks. The vocals somehow are even more violent, the previously stagnant air is now an explosion of dirty grindcore style bass-work and the guitar and drum work fit ever so nicely with the ensemble that has been placed before us. Unlike most chaotic hardcore bands these days who just put the pedal to the metal from start to finish, Absolutist throw in atmospheric, yet chaotic, interludes and transitions throughout the entire release and help break up the monotony that can develop with many one directional bands. Some of the guitar work in this is just brilliantly done, there are moments where static drenches every instrument and and sound is erupting from every corner of the speaker yet dead in the middle is a crystal clear guitar lead weaving in and out of the falling buildings of noise around it, creating beauty in utter madness. The drum work on this is extremely fun for anyone who is a fan of d-beat and grindcore in general, because there are moments when standard d-beat patterns rip through a track and transition into a bombastic grindcore themed explosion and finish off with a slowly growing buildup nearing the next fucked up bend in the road, leaving you wanting more. The vocals are an odd mixture of Thomas Lindberg’s Disfear work and Mookie Singerman from Genghis Tron, so expect something a tiny bit different but insanely awesome when you hear it.

Clocking in at a hair over 21 minutes the Ave ride is over before you even know it has started, but your bleeding ears and clenched fists will show you have just gone through one hell of a deathride.

Complaints? I honestly have nothing negative to say about this album, it is a great step up from their last effort and everything I wasn’t thrilled with on their EP they solved with Ave and ripped me a new asshole. Plus it’s 21 minutes of pulverizing chaotic hardcore, you can’t complain about that.

SHIT RATING: GOOD

Methos [2012] Revelation

When I first saw this online I thought I may have stumbled upon another Acid Witch style stoner band, and coupled with the artwork of that of such sound I downloaded it and was really excited to try it out, but was almost instantly let down. To the person who labeled Methos as “Stoner/Doom/Heavy Metal” you kind of got the ordering wrong there buddy.

Revelation begins with a recycled Crazy Train bassline, intentional or not I just made a gross face when I heard this and it really put the album in a bad mood before it even really started. As the track develops it is clear that Methos aren’t really stoner or doom at all, but more so just straight forward old man metal. By old man metal I mean I just envision Methos being four middle aged men in their suburban homes with ambitions of opening for Devildriver or something, it’s just not really good at all, but there’s something to Revelation that made me listen to the entire thing. Yes the vocals are bad, yes the recording is muddy and yes the music itself has been done time and time again, but it’s on the higher end of the opener band spectrum for sure. Anyone who has had the displeasure of seeing newly developed opening rock/”heavy metal” bands knows that there is a giant asshole out there shitting out bland awful band after another of rednecks or older men trying to get one last rockstar feeling in them on stage opening for Dope, so with Methos they actually pull off that aesthetic and sound and it’s actually not unbearable to listen to, and if you go into this album with no real set expectations it makes for a lazily fun experience. Would I listen to this album again? Probably not, but am I glad I gave it one spin? You betcha. And while this review may be superficial and mean, I give Methos credit, they’re probably doing what they love and are great people, so don’t take this review the wrong way, I just don’t dig this at all.

SHIT RATING: BAD

Pussy Juice Mixer [2012] Eat My Friend!

Pussy Juice Mixer is a Russian groove n’ gore pornogrind outfit with a few previous EPs under their belts, none of which I have heard. Finding background information on PJM is incredibly difficult, and all that came up in google was a russian community website, note: I do not speak Russian. So I am going to go ahead and assume this is a solo project, or at the very most a Jesus Crost type duo. But hey, don’t slaughter me if I don’t get this right.

As for the music, I know I literally just shit on digital drums and one man bands in my previous post, but Pussy Juice Mixer managed to crawl out from the garbage pile and produce a quality grind product without all the gimmicks and annoying features that most bedroom bands possess. And while I wouldn’t agree that this is so much of a pornogrind sound like all the blogs and sites are suggesting, there is definitely a heavy Gut vibe going with Pussy Juice Mixer, and with the addition of a groovy Spasm/Rompeprop overall style it is just plain fun to sit back and imagine twostepping to these tunes at OEF. 

Another thing I liked about Eat My Fried! is how each track is distinguishable from the rest of the record, and granted this is only a 15 minute EP but there wasn’t a single moment on this release where I felt bored or like I was hearing rehashed material, which can be rare for music this style.

Production wise Eat My Friend! is really well put together, the drums are clear, the guitar and bass work are filled with bulldozery richness and the vocals sit perfectly atop all this in the perfect pitch, not too low and not too high in the mix. There is however a track or two that sounds like it was recorded in another studio or sitting and the mixing is a little off, but as a whole Eat My Friend!’s production is pretty good considering the standard for this style of music.

Overall it is a fun little grindy treat, almost like an appetizer to start your day off on the right foot and with Eat My Friend! clocking in at 15 minutes, you really have nothing to lose by giving this a try, worst case scenario you lose 15 minutes that would have otherwise been used surfing porn.

SHIT RATING: GOOD