In an effort to seed through all the truly awful albums I come across I will be doing some bulk review posts at the end of every month. The reviews will be quick and to the point, well, in a shitty way of course.
SHIT List - August - 2012
Gore Obsessed [2012] Where Babes Meet Blades
Mortician and Bob Macabre walk into a bar, Will Rahmer forcibly rapes Bob Macabre and nine months later Gore Obsessed dribbled out with a billion EPs in hand. While I dig the whole throwback horror movie shtick it's getting old fast. My overall complaints are simple: every song sounds entirely too similar, almost no variation is used in the guitar tuning or playing and the drum machine beats are so basic and typical that the album feels like the first track is on repeat. Overall the guitars are boring, but at times catchy, the drums sound flat out outdated and the vocals are cool for a track's worth, the remaining 10 minutes are just boring as balls.
Lucifugum [2012] Od Omut Serpenti
Do people actually listen to shitty bedroom black metal? Just because you've been releasing terrible albums for years doesn't make you credible. For those unfamiliar with this atrocity, Lucifugum is a married couple from Ukraine who release black metal, and by black metal hear I mean terrible drum programming, a starter guitar and amp and absolutely no depth or bass at all. The vocals sound like a whiny teenager trying to sound kvlt and the guitar work is boring and uneventful. So with drums, guitars and vocals all sucking, this shit flat out sucks from all angles.
Printemps Noir [2012] La Commune
Continuing the string of truly atrocious black metal "projects" ruining my day is Printemps Noir, a "raw" black metal band from somewhere I don't care enough to look up. Initially I thought it would be a punkish release by the cover but was soon given a hot mess that sounded like it was recorded through a $10 Walmart microphone. But first there's the mastering: unless you're lucky enough to have a mono option to your speakers you will be hearing the drums from the left speaker, the vocals in the right and the guitar mixed through both sides. Once track two kicks in the drums shift to 95% left and leaving ONE single ride cymbal coming through the right speaker. It's just fucking retarded, but musically the guitars sound muddy and distorted like they were recorded, pressed on an underdeveloped record and then ripped at like 50kbps. The drums are just downright atrocious and honestly so basic that you'd figure a 10 year old was playing it. Finally comes the vocals, which fit the same complaints as guitars and are monotonous throughout the entire release, but thankfully for everyone it's only two tracks and ends a hair over ten minutes. This could possibly be the worst black metal album I have heard this year, congrats.
Six Feet Under [2012] Undead
Do I even need to justify this post? Chris Barnes has churned out yet another lifeless and completely forgettable audible turd and I am starting to wonder who I dislike more, Six Feet Under's music or the labels who keep giving these guys record deals. Barnes' vocals are all but shot at this point and they just sound like someone with a bad cold now. Musically there are a few random cool riffs thrown into the mix but the songs are still bland and placid, and the only thing worth listening to on this record is the sound your Recycling Bin makes when it finishes deleting a file. Serious Barnes, you're giving me second hand embarrassment big time here.
Printemps Noir [2012] La Commune
Continuing the string of truly atrocious black metal "projects" ruining my day is Printemps Noir, a "raw" black metal band from somewhere I don't care enough to look up. Initially I thought it would be a punkish release by the cover but was soon given a hot mess that sounded like it was recorded through a $10 Walmart microphone. But first there's the mastering: unless you're lucky enough to have a mono option to your speakers you will be hearing the drums from the left speaker, the vocals in the right and the guitar mixed through both sides. Once track two kicks in the drums shift to 95% left and leaving ONE single ride cymbal coming through the right speaker. It's just fucking retarded, but musically the guitars sound muddy and distorted like they were recorded, pressed on an underdeveloped record and then ripped at like 50kbps. The drums are just downright atrocious and honestly so basic that you'd figure a 10 year old was playing it. Finally comes the vocals, which fit the same complaints as guitars and are monotonous throughout the entire release, but thankfully for everyone it's only two tracks and ends a hair over ten minutes. This could possibly be the worst black metal album I have heard this year, congrats.
Six Feet Under [2012] Undead
Do I even need to justify this post? Chris Barnes has churned out yet another lifeless and completely forgettable audible turd and I am starting to wonder who I dislike more, Six Feet Under's music or the labels who keep giving these guys record deals. Barnes' vocals are all but shot at this point and they just sound like someone with a bad cold now. Musically there are a few random cool riffs thrown into the mix but the songs are still bland and placid, and the only thing worth listening to on this record is the sound your Recycling Bin makes when it finishes deleting a file. Serious Barnes, you're giving me second hand embarrassment big time here.
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