SHIT LIST: September 2012

SHIT LIST: September 2012

Toscrew [2012] Crawl

Possibly one of the lamest names I have come across, Hungarian ex-blackened death metal band TOSCREW have dropped their kvlt sound and graced humanity with an attempt at making stoner doom. Now for those unfamiliar with Toscrew they were a run of the mill to okay blackish death metal band, but with the departure of their vocalist things changed for the worst.

While the music itself does indeed hit doom levels at times the vocals just completely ruin everything and anything potentially good on this. Crawl just sounds like a bunch of middle aged Black Sabbath fans got together and made a numetal band. The vocals are just a drawn out clash between James Hetfield and Marilyn Manson. Again, the music is interesting at times but 95% of the time this album conjures up images of local night at the local redneck bar. The kind filled with past their prime old men wearing Godsmack shirts hoping to look cool to their kids.

Torture Chain [2012] Time Is but a Doorway to the Incinerator

Hailing from somewhere in the United States, Torture Chain is a (possibly solo) USBM outfit that breaks past the raw shitty stereotypes that comes with USBM and completely destroys. Acting as the band's fifth demo release, Time Is but a Doorway to the Incinerator is a 21 minute track of pure chaotic evil, and while I have yet to explore this group's back cataloge, from what little researching I've done it seems like this band has yet to release a bad demo. But enough talk, does it make Satan's balls explode?

The simple answer is YES. Starting off with a score from The Thing, the orchestral buildup is beyond intense and as soon as the music hits you're flung into 21 minutes of just gnarly black metal. With dueling guitars there is just a mountainous wall of noise bombarding you at once and with the occasional synth there's just so much to be heard. And with ACTUAL DRUMS that range from crust punk to grind to straight up kvltness there is diversity out the ass in this. The riffs are just endless on this, ranging from bulldozer chaos to fist pumping leads to just all around good frostbitten abrasiveness. The vocals for the most are an ugly, raspy gurgly black hole that when layered sounds like something straight from hell. There is almost no down time in the entire release and it's exhausting to listen to, for there is never a dull moment and things are permanently stuck on 10. The cool thing is how it all ties into itself, you get so much pack and variation in this that you never seem to hear the same thing twice, and considering it is 21 straight minutes that's a whole lotta material. Just when you've had your dose of crusty Satan worship you're flung into a calmer beat and some faint, however lethal, leads that sound like asteroids falling from the sky, you're pushed back to somewhere else inside another cold cruel nightmare. There are even soft ass Opeth like interludes on this that throw you off your game and provide for quality buildups and depth.  This shit is just good.

The mastering is good, especially for a demo. It's raw yes, but everything was properly set up to be captured and is layered in a quality setting. The guitars are just distorted the fuck out, but clean when they need to be. The drums are constantly in the back keeping pace and the vocals just continuously drag you across the musical grate, leaving you shredded beyond recognition.

SHIT QUALITY: GOOD

Twilight's Embrace [2012] Traces

Nottingham's Twilight's Embrace is a five piece progressive doom/death outfit. With only an EP under their belt, Traces acts as the band's first taste of new music in two years, again acting as an EP. As far as sound goes, they're pretty cookie cutter "gothic" death/doom, with Opeth flirtations thrown in on occasion. The guitars are full of heavy distortion but also cascade the backdrop so that you're not given a brutal trip, but more so a depressingly somber jerker. The occasional use of acoustic guitars also throws in that Opethy folkish element, which helps break up the monotony of the tracks.

The biggest complaint to me is the vocalist's soft vocals, which are heavily British and just just sound corny 99.9% of the time he does them, it's almost like watching a slam poet try too hard to sound meaningful, it just comes off as silly.His growls are fun, but again are pretty standard for this type of music, and there are tons of bands who sound almost identical to his. And this problem reaches to pretty much every aspect of the band, the guitars, the vocals, and the overly simplistic drumming, it's just too predictable. Aside from a few moments there really is nothing that stands out on this release that would make me want to listen to it repeatedly. Again I am not hating it, it's just not something I connect with and I feel as if I have heard this album done time and time again by more established and skilled musicians. The final gripe I have with this is the fact that almost every lead and build up leads nowhere, it's like getting a lengthy handjob and getting an arm ache 2 minutes from busting.  

But hey, the production is well done, the mixing was done right and it's not a pain in the ass to listen to, so check it out, maybe you'll like it. But to me it gets a big fat meh.

SHIT RATING: ALRIGHT

Kiss The Anus Of A Black Cat ‎[2012] Weltuntergangsstimmung

This album is nothing short of confusion to me, not because the material is drastically different from the previous Cat albums, but simply from all the press this album has gotten. Being a long time Cat fan I can not remember ever reading or seeing much discussion on this act, and as soon as this hit the shelves everyone is talking about it and complaining about the transition...which leads me to wonder if all these fans were in the closet or simply late on the bandwagon and are regurgitating the same review over and over.

Bitching aside, yes folks, it's a new Kiss The Anus of a Black Cat album, this time with 1980's post-punk pulsing through their feline veins to the very core. Now I really don't mind this shift to be honest, Cat has released 4 good albums in the realm of neofolk, so why not change things up? When Death in June is releasing piano only albums, Der Blutharsch turning to acid rock and Blood Axis are playing strictly acoustic, people should expect the unexpected when it comes to neofolk acts these days, and Cat is no different. So unlike most reviewers I approached this unbiased by the shift in sound direction.

Enough bullshit dude, what does it sound like? Well let's see, take all the heavy post-punk goth 80's hitters, a la Sisters of Mercy, Bauhaus, And Also The Trees, and modernize it so there's not that fuzzy 80's sound and you have Weltuntergangsstimmung. If you like your guitars to be fed through chorus pedals, drums to come from a 1983 drum machine and synth baselines, this album is for you! It truly is a throwback to the goth rockers of yesteryear and personally I think it's cool to make a throwback album here and there for absolutely no reason. The guitars all have that chorusy echo sound that give you the feeling of an abandoned old performance hall or a hazy graveyard and are flat out catchy as hell. The drums are all ran through triggers or are from a drum machine, it doesn't really matter does it, and all feature the classic percussion hits: clappy snares, tiny highhats and that weird Night of the Living Dead soundtrack tom sound that sounds straight out of the 80's. The bass is pretty neutral during all this, it fits the vibe but is nothing really stand outish, but again, it fits the era's sound perfectly. There is also plenty of synthwork thrown throughout this album, and what's cool about it is how it's almost a stand alone instrument itself, there isn't just one or two backlines thrown in to a track, they make appearances on the bulk of the album, and while they are a little on the minimal side, they are absolutely necessary for this release. Lastly comes the vocals, Stef's vocals are a stark contrast to the uber deep Andrew Eldritchs of the 80's, giving a cleaner, higher pitched, and often echoed Brilligesque approach to the music, which ties in traces of Cinema Strange and all those kooky death rock groups as well. 

Overall it's a fun album, there are some slow moments here and there but overall it's a fun little throwback album that took me completely surprise, and thankfully I am able to be an adult and not get all butthurt over the change in direction the band took. I can't wait to see if they continue this sound or transition into yet another version. 

P.S. does anyone else think of Unknown Pleasures when they look at this artwork?

SHIT RATING: GOOD

Failure Ritual [2012] Failure Ritual

This one goes out to all the possible black metal fans who read this shitbox who have no doubt read a few of my reviews on how critical I am of raw black metal.

Up today is Failure Ritual, a cavernously raw black metal/doom band from somewhere featuring one or more members who's names are something and something. I'm not trying to be cute here in my vagueness, although I am, but that's about all there is to dig up on this outfit: nothing. Aside from a BandCamp page I can't find anything else on these/this cat(s), so bear with me here on the details. I will say however that I do not feel this is black metal, yeah there are some black metal leads here and there and the vocals are something you would hear in a suicidal black metal outfit, but this entire operation reeks of Project AIDS style doom; but hey that's just my opinion man.

Details aside, what about the sound asshole? You may have noticed I labeled Failure Ritual as "cavernous", and frankly that's about all I can use to describe their sound. Imagine Sunn O)))'s wall of amps blasting out bulldozing walls of noisy almost Black Mayonnaise style riifs miles down inside of a large cave, and you're at the outermost opening listening in, that's Failure Ritual. There is a steady wall of fuzzy noise throughout the entire album that gives you a hypnotic feeling of sheer openness and chaos, but at the same time allows the guitars, drums and electronic elements to burst their way through the noise and give an utterly eerie beyond comfort level atmosphere. And coupled with the suicidal-esque black metal style vocals, which sound like a tortured soul moaning miles under the ground in Hell, the overall sound is haunting, immense and LOUD. The guitars range from funeral doom riffage to echoey Wormphlegmy leads that just progress at a snails pace, but in the most awesome way possible. The drums appear to be from a drum machine, and are not what you would consider diverse, providing the necessary snare and crash hits to keep a steady pace, but they fit perfectly into this style of music, so I don't see this as a fault at all. The mastering and overall production is fuzzy, loud and muffled to the utmost degree, but again, in the best way possible. All the instruments, backing noise and vocals blend perfectly in this giant vat of ooze, to which I have nothing negative to speak of. Overall it's just a fucking evil sounding album, that by moving at such a glacial pace provides a perfect avenue to suck you in to a hypnotic trance, an ability that most records are just flat out incapable of doing. I love it.

This 61 minute long album is broken up into three tracks, however some tracks contain multiple movements which to me could have acted as stand alone tracks. But for those doing the math, those are some long fucking tracks: 21, 28 and 10 minutes long to be precise, so make sure you have an open hour open to give this bad boy a shot because listening to it half ass will give you such a limp one.

Complaints? None really, this is an absolutely fun record to listen to with the lights off and a pair of huge headphones, and if you're like me you'll be flung into a dirty, freezing cavern within minutes of listening, it's just a fun and to me a fresh take on black metal laced doom.

Another awesome thing is that you can get this for free: check it out.

SHIT RATING: GOOD

SHIT List: August 2012

In an effort to seed through all the truly awful albums I come across I will be doing some bulk review posts at the end of every month. The reviews will be quick and to the point, well, in a shitty way of course.

SHIT List - August - 2012

Gore Obsessed [2012] Where Babes Meet Blades
Mortician and Bob Macabre walk into a bar, Will Rahmer forcibly rapes Bob Macabre and nine months later Gore Obsessed dribbled out with a billion EPs in hand. While I dig the whole throwback horror movie shtick  it's getting old fast. My overall complaints are simple: every song sounds entirely too similar, almost no variation is used in the guitar tuning or playing and the drum machine beats are so basic and typical that the album feels like the first track is on repeat. Overall the guitars are boring, but at times catchy, the drums sound flat out outdated and the vocals are cool for a track's worth, the remaining 10 minutes are just boring as balls.

Lucifugum [2012] Od Omut Serpenti

Do people actually listen to shitty bedroom black metal? Just because you've been releasing terrible albums for years doesn't make you credible. For those unfamiliar with this atrocity, Lucifugum is a married couple from Ukraine who release black metal, and by black metal hear I mean terrible drum programming, a starter guitar and amp and absolutely no depth or bass at all. The vocals sound like a whiny teenager trying to sound kvlt and the guitar work is boring and uneventful. So with drums, guitars and vocals all sucking, this shit flat out sucks from all angles.

Printemps Noir [2012] La Commune
Continuing the string of truly atrocious black metal "projects" ruining my day is Printemps Noir, a "raw" black metal band from somewhere I don't care enough to look up. Initially I thought it would be a punkish release by the cover but was soon given a hot mess that sounded like it was recorded through a $10 Walmart microphone. But first there's the mastering: unless you're lucky enough to have a mono option to your speakers you will be hearing the drums from the left speaker, the vocals in the right and the guitar mixed through both sides. Once track two kicks in the drums shift to 95% left and leaving ONE single ride cymbal coming through the right speaker. It's just fucking retarded, but musically the guitars sound muddy and distorted like they were recorded, pressed on an underdeveloped record and then ripped at like 50kbps. The drums are just downright atrocious and honestly so basic that you'd figure a 10 year old was playing it. Finally comes the vocals, which fit the same complaints as guitars and are monotonous throughout the entire release, but thankfully for everyone it's only two tracks and ends a hair over ten minutes. This could possibly be the worst black metal album I have heard this year, congrats.

Six Feet Under [2012] Undead
Do I even need to justify this post? Chris Barnes has churned out yet another lifeless and completely forgettable audible turd and I am starting to wonder who I dislike more, Six Feet Under's music or the labels who keep giving these guys record deals. Barnes' vocals are all but shot at this point and they just sound like someone with a bad cold now. Musically there are a few random cool riffs thrown into the mix but the songs are still bland and placid, and the only thing worth listening to on this record is the sound your Recycling Bin makes when it finishes deleting a file. Serious Barnes, you're giving me second hand embarrassment big time here.

Dead Can Dance [2012] Anastasis

A lengthy review of this album would be absolutely pointless, for I feel it's impossible to describe some acts out there, Dead Can Dance being one of them. So here's a quick rundown of my takes on things.

It's absolutely incredible, for a band that has gone outside the box and back time and time again, once the opening track hits you it instantly clicks as what feels right coming from the duo, as if the last 16 years haven't happened and this is simply the second half of Spiritchaser. However the nearly two decade gap has allowed for new and crisper approaches to music, and Anastasis showcases that growth from start to finish. With clean, damn near perfect orchestral and keyboard synths the duo project project you the listener right into the pit of an old European symphony house that has decayed over the years yet still possesses a few remaining players, with Lisa and Brendan heading the troupe. 

But enough of that, what else!? Well let's see, Lisa still sounds divine, and she showcases her talents yet again across this album. Brendan's voice has aged a little but in the best way possible, his vocal performances now have an even deeper connection to ancient heritage and everything arcane, and like his female counterpart he too showcases a full variety of different singing styles from almost rhythmic storytelling to bombastic lung exhausting singing. So yes, the two still got "it" and "it" continues to work magically.

What of worldly sounds? As with every other album you are taken from across the globe, stopping in the Middle East, the ancient Roman Empire, Asia and all the way back to Ireland, all in one 8 track 57 minute ride, and it could not be any more of a pleasurable delight.

How are the singing duties divided? With the reformation I did not know what to expect, but both sides get equal spotlight time, with respective solo tracks as well as a shared duet track. So whether you're Team Lisa or Team Brendan, you'll be satisfied.

Favorite tracks? If I had to pick three, I would probably go (in order as they appear on record): Agape, Return of the She-King and All In Good Time, which is a perfect blend of solo and duet tracks. 

Closing statements? This thing is just too good, and the denseness of it allows for you to listen to it for goes at a time and still discover something new, I am absolutely in love with this release and consider seeing them perform this album a few weeks ago as one of the best concerts I have attended, well done guys.

SHIT RATING: GOOD