Jumping on the 3-D bandwagon, Disney recently released a 3-D enhanced version of the classic Beauty and the Beast, and since my girlfriend is a faggot I ended up seeing it on discount day at the cheap theaters.
Like every other American born between 1980-1995 I saw this movie as a child when it hit the shelves on VHS and liked it, and it has been a Disney classic to me since, so I was looking forward to rewatching it as an adult now to catch all of Disney's fun innuendos. Now since everyone has seen this movie I am not going to classically review it like a new flick, instead I will cover the 3-D aspect and just my overall views on pieces of the movie.
3-D Quality: I am still not sold on this whole 3-D revival, yeah sure it's cool here and there but there's a reason it died out decades ago. There are plenty of 3-D moments throughout the movie but it doesn't really add anything mindblowing or anything to the movie. The dance hall scenes did however look cooler in 3-D and it was neat to see it in a slightly different format, but again: nothing that soaked my panties. This could be my personal bias against modern 3-D movies though.
Gaston truly is the manliest man ever. Did you see that nigga's arms? He could have broken coconuts between those babies and somehow he's the villain. Let's break it down: He's a successful and independent man who is aware of his good qualities and shares them with the world. He wants to mow Belle's lawn and will do anything to do so, and if you'll remember all's fair in love and war. So take your pushover Joseph Gordon-Levitts and Zac Efrons ladies, I'll stick with my main man Gaston. I will say though there was some major homoerotic moments in this, especially on the part of Lefou. But I'm not one to judge.
The years don't add up. So the rose's last petal will fall on his 21st birthday, and early in the movie it is told that the castle has been in a state of dismay for almost ten years, so that would make him eleven years old when the Enchantress put her spell on him. Now I call shenanigans for two reasons: 1) Why the hell is an 11 year old running a fucking castle and 2) Who punishes an 11 year old child that harshly? I mean I can see if the Enchantress gave him acne or something but turning an 11 year old into a werewolf for not letting some creepy ass witch into his home? As a child this never really occurred to me but what the fuck is going on here, either someone sucks at math or the Enchantress is a bit of an over-reacting bitch.
Who knew there was a rape scene in the movie? During the villagers' assault on Beast's castle there is a scene where a man is laughingly pulling out the feathers of Lumiere's slutty Featherduster squeeze. Now perhaps I am being perverted here but if she were transformed into a human that nigga would be pulling stuff out of her coochie, so decide for yourself. Ultimately I was slightly caught off guard by seeing this but chuckled after.
Belle needs to knock off all that reading, like seriously. There is nothing wrong with reading, hell you're doing it right now, but knock that shit off Belle. When she goes into the book store she interrupts Old Man Bookworm and bugs him if anything new has come in, to which he replies not since yesterday. Bitch you live in a rural 18th century French providence, UPS isn't overnighting the latest Jodi Picoult into your podunk town. I think the reason the old man gave her that one book was because he was fed up with her shit and figured it would buy him a few days of not seeing her annoying ass face asking for new books.
Overall it was a fun movie and I am glad I saw it, it was neat to see something I hadn't seen in over a decade and be able to reprocess it all again from an almost fresh perspective. But like I said earlier, this 3-D stuff is nonsense, save your dumb glasses and let me just watch the movie like normal poindexter.
SHIT MOVIE RATING: GOOD
No comments:
Post a Comment