Cemetery Rapist [2012] Tongue Punched in the Fartbox

So I guess I hate myself today, because I decided to download Cemetery Rapist’s newest atrocity: Tongue Punched in the Fartbox. It is a mystery to me how this “band” has continued to release albums and play shows, but to each their own, I’ll try to be as unbiased as possible for this short review.

For those unfamiliar with Cemetery Rapist, it is a solo bedroom project that aims to make brutal slam death metal, but fails miserably to any self respecting death metal fan. CR have been releasing a steady stream of releases for years now and apparently seem to have a small cult following on youtube and in Central Illinois Metalfest type circles, but in the larger scene Cemetery Rapist is a running gag of a band that should have died out years ago. Vocally you only get two variations throughout the entire album: a drowning cricket and a played out bree bree screech, nothing more, nothing less. You literally can listen to one track and have said you listened to the entire EP, it’s that predictable, stale and uneventful. The drums on here are obviously programmed and sound like something straight out of a demo pack of pro tools or something, and maybe that’s the sound he’s going for but it just sounds pointlessly fake. I mean atleast the guy from Putrid Pile takes effort into ATTEMPTING to make his stuff sound authentic. Each track also features an annoyingly long sample, which adds absolutely nothing to the music and only drags the release out longer than is necessary. 

The only redeeming part of this ep is that it’s only 9 minutes long, so by the time you realize it sucks it’s already over, so for that thank you Clay, you can actually do something right for once.

Now I like slam death, and I think while it may be mindless at times, it still takes effort to pull off, and just playing slow chuggy parts over and over doesn’t cut it.  All these complaints go for almost every other Cemetery Rapist release, so feel free to save yourself the trouble and never bother listening to anything they do. 

SHIT RATING: BAD